I set an unrealistic expectation for myself when the month began to write this review as soon as possible, but unfortunately, it has been a struggle trying to remember all the things that happened this year. You want to know what is a lot worse than remembering? Writing. It feels so unnatural to me at the moment, and I am a bit nostalgic. I miss the times when all I did was write. But I’m here now, and I owe it to myself to document the moments I remember, and to take accountability and responsibility. I believe I also owe it to you, you could learn a thing or two.
1. THAT BREAKUP WILL NOT KILL YOU
And you have to trust me on this one.
If you read my 2023 review, you’d recall that I was going through one of the hardest friendship breakups in my life, and that’s putting it mildly because it was a real, genuine, adult friendship. I don’t think I have ever lost a friend like that before, and the fact that my actions contributed to it made me feel a lot worse. Until I woke up one morning in January (i hope i’m not mistaken), and I just stopped caring. It felt very strange, and I was just about to feel guilty about it, until I realized guilt is all I have felt the entire time. And if I am being honest, some of the guilt wasn’t mine to carry. It didn’t make any sense to me at first when people told me about the guilt thing, but that is what I love about epiphanies. I just woke up that morning and said “Odeshi” and moved on. Do I miss them? Absolutely. Do I think I could have handled things a lot differently? Yes. But like that one TikTok sound says :
“If person say they don’t want you, will you now kill yourself?”
The answer is no.
2. LOVE IS SWEET, YOU’RE JUST DATING MEN
I jest…partly
Now I know this is very out of character for me, dare I say evil, but I stopped dating someone I had been with for almost two years, minus situationship. What went wrong, exactly? As usual, I told myself I was the problem and I just threw a relationship away without looking back but there were so many things that led to that. And quite frankly, I would like to speak my truth.
It is very possible to love someone and not see eye to eye with them on most things. When two people like that get together, they gaslight themselves with the saying “opposites attract”. Well, this is real life, and they do not. My politics and views on life did not align with theirs, and it became such a big deal, until I shut down mentally and just waited for the whole thing to end. I would like to admit that I messed up on that front, and some more than I care to admit on here, but spare yourself the headache and please date someone whose views align with yours. Someone you don’t have to consistently argue with about certain issues, someone who doesn’t think your brand of feminism is too aggressive. Nobody is worth hiding yourself or dimming your light for.
You can not also force someone to believe in what you believe in. You can’t love someone into who they’re not. It is quite sad, but it is true. It took someone else seeing me, understanding me and feeling the exact pains i felt for me to realize that I couldn’t thrive in that relationship for a long time. I thought maybe taking a break would have given me the clarity I needed, but before I could blink, it was over. I slept so peacefully that night and woke up the next morning to price curtains in Yaba market like I hadn’t just lost someone who had been a constant in my life for almost four years. But remember what I said earlier?
Odeshi
3. CHOOSING YOURSELF DOESN’T MAKE YOU A VILLAIN
I speak on behalf of anyone who is a chronic people pleaser, or a recovering one. People, who most of their lives, have had to overcompensate for people’s love and attention. The older you grow, the more exhausting it becomes, giving and pouring out yourself, especially to the wrong people. One day, you will wake up and crave change. You would not want to put someone else’s needs before yours. The realization that you are just as important as the people you so desperately want their approval will hit you. The whiplash will be interesting. The fear of letting go will cease to exist, and you will find yourself walking away from situations or people that no longer suit your purpose. You will find someone whose spirit aligns with yours, someone you can be healthily devoted to, who will offer you the same amount of devotion and respect. Someone who will grow with you. You will look back and hear the people you walked away from regard you as selfish. They will ask you what happened, and when you became extremely self centered. You will be taken aback, maybe hurt by that statement. When someone asked me that this year, I really did not know what to say. It hurt because I was always carrying their emotions on my shoulders, fixing them up when I also needed fixing. And I realized the answer to that question was “I decided to choose myself”, and unfortunately, it meant leaving some things behind.
You will look back one day and realize it was worth it. Your sanity, your happiness, and peace of mind is always worth leaving uncomfortable situations behind. People might not understand it, but you do. It is your first and biggest step in healing.
4. COMMUNITY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT.
I cannot over emphasize how friendship has saved my life, over and over again. There is nothing greater than finding your people and loving them, nurturing the relationship and growing with them. I don’t know where I’d be if not for certain people in my life. People who see me and love me still, flaws and all. Whether I respond to their texts on time or after three working days. People who are not afraid to tell me when i have wronged them, because they know that we will always work it out. I am beyond grateful for the gift of sisterhood and community. Investing in your friendships is the best thing you can do, especially as a woman or queer person. You will not regret it one bit.
5. GO OUT MORE OFTEN, YOU WON’T MEET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IN YOUR ROOM
Tested and Trusted
This year, i partied more than i have in my entire adult life. I went for hangouts, concerts, album listening parties, raves… so many raves. You get to have so many “once in a lifetime” experiences, meet the most random people, have conversations with strangers you might never see again, dance to your heart’s content, meet people you might just end up spending forever with, and just be happy. I used to love being at home, but I touched grass and I love grass and I want to be one with the grass. Go on dates, solo ones, with friends or with your partners. Just leave your house. You can come back to me for a review when you do.
I’m sure there are a couple of other things I would have loved to share, but I can’t remember them and I’m tired of writing. 2024 was kind of amazing for me. There were terrible times, I guarantee you and they almost took my life, literally and figuratively, but I am grateful that I experienced this year with the most amazing people. I made mistakes, hurt people in the process, but I learned from them. I’m really hoping to be a much better version of myself, starting tomorrow. I hope you do too.
