I think I lost the ability to express myself. And it’s sucks because I’m not a loud person. My presence doesn’t command respect. I’m not a god, just a kid who has lost her only effective means of communication.
I lost my voice recently, literally and figuratively. I thought it was the end result of screaming a lot and I’d get it back easily but it just turns out the universe wants me to be quiet, maybe forever. I’ve also been stuck in this space where I’ve been unable to write any good stuff. At first, I thought it was because people were being too opinionated about my recent posts, and I thought I could rebrand and come back better, but if I’m being honest, I’m really tired of it all. I just want to delete my account and vanish from the face of the earth. My well of inspiration has run dry and I’m failing at the only thing I’m supposed to be good at.
I’m lost in a huge vacuum of hurt, emptiness and anger. So much anger. I don’t know who and what exactly I’m pissed at, but if I could get a dollar for the times I’ve been pissed lately, I’m sure I’d be rich enough to get an iPhone 8.
I’m losing myself again, in the same pattern, influenced by the same type of people. I feel like I have lost all the good in me and I’d care less if I hurt anyone who comes my way. It’s only fair to hurt others when you’ve been hurt yourself.
I’m lost in my own head, in my own space. I’m starting to push the people around me away. I’m becoming distant yet I wish someone would pull me out of this self induced trance. I’m very sure I haven’t muttered up to ten sentences today and I’d gladly blame it on cramps. Poor cramps, you did absolutely nothing wrong… until now.
I’m lost and I am not sure I can find my way back. I can’t scream for help, cause you know, I did lose my voice.
With fear from the valley of the shadow of death,
Oluwatumininu.
