A NEW GENRE
Recently, I started reading the Percy Jackson complete series, mostly because the Disney plus series is going to be released soon, and I have never read a fantasy novel. Nothing really interested me asides romance. Does it get boring? Absolutely. Do I get tired of predicting the end of each book? Very much so. Still, there was something comforting about happy endings. If you can’t have them in real life, you can always read and imagine them. But I wanted to try something new. I felt the insane urge to get out of my comfort zone. I wanted to read something that would challenge my imagination, and let me tell you, my imagination is very much challenged.
I’m done with Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters, which is the second book in the series, and I love it so far. Asides the occasional mention of snakes, which I have an irrational fear of, it has gagged me every time. One thing that struck me the most, that relates to this piece, is how certain characters transform (mostly not for the better). Each time Percy and Annabeth are on a quest, they usually run into people who seem normal at first, but within seconds, snakes are growing out of their heads. Or they end up being hideous monsters, like Mrs Dodds. It seems scary, but people aren’t usually what they seem to be.
My favorite transformation, however, is Percy’s sword, Riptide. On a normal day, it looks like a pen. If my imagination doesn’t fail me, it should look like a click pen with a golden tip? Pardon my foggy memory. But whenever he’s in danger, all he needs to do is to click the pen and it changes into its true form. I’d kill for a pen like that, but i want mine to transform to a gun.
A NEW ERA
In my twenty one years of existence, and fifteen of those years that I still remember, I have been struggling with my sense of self. I have always formed and reformed to fit in whatever situation I find myself. It almost seemed like I did not have a mind of my own, or an identity that stuck.
In secondary school, I knew I wanted to study arts. I found science courses really boring. I loved reading books. I actually wanted to become a journalist. But as I was drawing closer to senior secondary school, my guardian was hell bent on sending me to sciences, and I couldn’t refuse. After all, she was the adult. I spent the first two days of SS1 in science class and I was just so lost. I knew I didn’t fit in, but I put myself through the torture and made myself so small to please someone that was impossible to please. I think that was a major breaking point in my life. I had to speak up and I eventually went back to arts, with my mother’s help and my cousin’s.
Years later, I still struggled with who I was and who I wanted to be. I didn’t have interests or hobbies. I knew what I wanted to study. I knew I could write. I knew I could sing, even though it’s a very useless talent. I tried learning product design, but I was never successful. I have always wanted to bake, but I never got around it. At a point, I wanted to be a makeup artist, but make up products are so expensive. There’s so much to do, so much I want to learn, but there are so many limitations and I am terrified that I might be able to do all these things, and still feel empty and not my true self.
But I’m here. Writing.
I’m almost 22 now and I can tell you that I wasn’t the same person I was when I was 20. I don’t hesitate to cut people off, but I am also less judgmental. I wake up on a random morning and feel the urge to make puff puff, even when I don’t like puff puff. I tweet a lot now, and I used to hate twitter. I am a feminist, and it feels good to say that out loud and share with the world. I have ADHD, and I finally understand what executive dysfunction means. I realize I am not as perfect as I thought I was, and I’m learning new things every day. I am indifferent about church, though I saw that coming a mile away, but I still believe in God. I finally understand what it means to grieve, and I take each day as it comes. I like women, and believe me, that came as a shock, even to myself. I have values and principles I hold on to. I cut my hair and dyed it. I would probably get a nose piercing very soon, if I don’t get killed. And the best part is, I am not all of these things because that is what is expected of me. I am who I am now, because it feels right. It feels like me.
Change is scary, but it is also very enlightening. Sometimes, I feel like a better person, and sometimes, I feel like an impostor trying to fit in. But right now, I am in my truest form. I feel brighter, lighter, a bit smarter, louder, feistier. I am still finding myself and trying to figure out life, but I am here, writing my heart out to you.
Welcome to the transfiguration. I hope you love it here.